A Quiet Life Read online

  There was too much sadness and too much excitement to put into words. She stared out the window, watching trees and rocks go by with relief that no one expected her to speak. Before long, there were trees and rocks that Ruth had never seen before. But even new scenery could not keep her content after a few hours on the hard seat.

  Caroline’s elbow seemed to find its way into her ribs at each bump. The sun burned her eyes. And the older couple’s shroud of silence began to get on her nerves. The man pulled a watch from his pocket and then tipped it towards the woman as though speaking the time aloud might be too intimate in front of strangers.

  Though Ruth began wishing for conversation, she found herself too irritable to come up with anything clever to say. They had recently passed some small farms and that gave her hope that they were nearing the next town.

  When the horses pulled to a stop, Sam climbed out and held the door for the rest of the party. The driver announced that they had one hour before he would depart again. Ruth stared at her equally travel-weary companions. A fog seemed to have settled over the three of them so that they stood in the street where they’d been dropped, right at the intersection of fatigue and uncertainty.

  Sam first cleared the fog. He tipped his hat back to show that his eyes were gathering some life and then he offered each woman an arm. “Come with me, ladies,” he said. “There’s a hotel this way where we can have a meal after we stretch our legs.”

  They walked past the hotel to see the rest of the main street and then returned to eat. The food, chicken with dumplings, was simple and not any better than Ruth was used to eating at home. But the atmosphere of rustic elegance, including embroidered tablecloths and fancy candle holders, made the meal seem special. It lifted Ruth’s spirits to the point she was feeling excited again as they returned to the stage for the next part of the journey. It probably helped her mood to know that she’d be riding only with Sam and Caroline.

  Ruth entered the coach first and moved to the opposite side to make room for Caroline. Caroline, however, sat in the middle of the facing bench so that the obvious place for Sam was next to Ruth. The space felt more claustrophobic than when it had been fuller. Ruth turned her face towards the window to hide the blush.

  She’d anticipated a marriage that was a straightforward arrangement. The men who had courted her sat and discussed chores and schedules and simple topics that hinted on how a pair might get on together. She and Sam hadn’t had much time to talk about those things but she figured they each had a basic idea of what was expected of a husband and a wife. They could make out the rest with a bit of time and patience. But no other man made her pulse quicken just by sitting next to her. The flustering resurgence of an old crush was trying to complicate the situation.

  Ruth refused to notice the flutter as she turned back to her companions. Caroline had just remarked how nice it was to have the coach to themselves. “You’re not feeling terribly homesick, are you?” she asked Ruth.

  “I’m not,” Ruth said, and that was the truth. The farther they got from her old home, the more her thoughts were consumed only by what lay ahead.

  “Good.” Caroline smiled. “I want you to be as excited as I am about sharing a kitchen. You’ll finally have a chance to show me how you make those apple fritters.”

  “Apple fritters?” Sam was suddenly more interested in the conversation. “Those are Jack’s favorite. When Beth Ann told us she might be leaving, the first thing he said was that he’d miss the apple fritters. I’ll bet yours are just as good.”

  Sam was smiling at Ruth and she tried to focus on facts and not feelings. She reminded herself that Jack was the name of Sam’s partner. Jack Spencer. He lived in the house and she’d need to get along with him so knowing that he liked apple fritters might help. Beth Ann was the housekeeper she and Caroline would replace. They would try to learn from her first.

  “You remember the apple tree near the old house?” Sam was talking to Caroline now.

  “I remember you getting in trouble for climbing it,” she said.

  Sam nodded. “Pa ranted about me knocking the apples down. Ma tried to soften it later when she told me the apples would only fall if they were ready. She told me I could climb it to gather high ones for her as long as I was careful not to let Pa see.”

  “There were a lot of things we knew not to let Pa see.”

  Sam’s expression acknowledged the truth of her statement but he clearly preferred to dwell on the positive. “Ma was great though,” he said. “I loved the way she sang to us at night. Even after Pa told her we were too old for it, she’d simply sing to herself and make sure it was loud enough for us to hear.”

  Caroline sang a few lines to show that she remembered. Ruth listened to the siblings reminisce and didn’t realize that her eyelids were getting heavy until they opened some time later.

  Her mind groggily caught up to why she wasn’t waking up in bed as she took in the movement of the coach and Caroline lying across the opposite bench with her knees tucked up and a shawl under her head. Ruth realized with a jolt that her own head was resting on Sam’s shoulder.

  She sat up quickly. He was awake. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

  “Don’t be,” he said. “A man likes to feel useful. Even as a pillow.”

  Ruth put her hand on her cheek and felt a mark from the crease on his shirt. She must look a fright. Her hand went to her hair to make sure it was still more or less in place. The pins felt secure. Sam was watching her. She wouldn’t look that way but felt his eyes on her, blue eyes that she wanted to look into but didn’t dare.

  Ruth’s hands twisted nervously in her lap. They needed to have some conversation if she had any hope of relaxing. The only topic she could think of was what had happened to him since he’d run away. She was dying to know how he ended up on the ranch towards which they were headed. But what if questions about his past were painful? What if it reminded him of why he’d left home in the first place? What if her curiosity made him believe she thought he deserved the guilt he felt?

  He was still watching her though and she couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Can I ask you…?” She paused to clear her throat. “I was wondering how long you’ve been on the ranch.”

  “In the mood for a story?”

  Ruth shrugged. She didn’t want to seem too eager if it was a story he didn’t want to tell.

  “It’s not that interesting but I don’t suppose we have much else to pass the time right now.” Sam blew out a breath and adjusted the hat hanging from his knee while he thought, presumably about where to begin. “I took essentially the same path we’re taking now. Though I took the first part on foot. Walked all day and a lot of the night. I figured I’d stop at a few places and have a job by the end of the day. I could build myself a house nearby where no one else had built and have my sisters moved in with me by the winter.”

  Sam laughed at his former innocence. “I got my first hint of reality when I asked the man at the mill about a job. He laughed right in my face. Told me to come back in about five years. Everyone in town had the same attitude, though most were nicer about it. The man in the general store offered me a few pennies in exchange for running errands. I could tell he was trying to make up something for me to do and in my pride I told him I didn’t want charity. I wanted to work. He said if I wasn’t in need of charity I might as well go home.”

  Sam shook his head as he remembered. “My pride got me into a lot more trouble. I ran out of food and I wouldn’t beg. I stopped at a few farms and offered to do chores in exchange for a meal. A few people took me up on it but I knew I couldn’t keep asking the same families so I… I began to steal.” Shame clouded his face even years later.

  “I knew it wasn’t right,” he said, “but told myself I was taking no more from the gardens than some animals might. I was sleeping in a barn near town. There was an older couple who lived there and I thought they weren’t aware of me because I made sure to be gone before anyone came out to milk the co
w. But one morning the woman came out early, before I was even awake. She didn’t say anything about how long she’d known I was sleeping in her barn. She only said that there was a man in town who was looking for me. She said I’d been seen taking tomatoes from his garden and he aimed to have me thrown in jail for it. The woman gave me some money. I didn’t even know her name. She told me what time the stage was leaving and made me promise both that I would be on it and that it would take me in the direction of home. I intended to keep those promises. I didn’t think I could do anything besides go home and admit failure.”

  “But you didn’t go home?”

  Sam slowly shook his head.

  “What happened?” Ruth asked.

  His expression changed in a way she could not read but it made her feel self-conscious about how intently she was leaning in to hear his story. She tried to check her eagerness. “You were wrong when you said it wasn’t interesting,” she said.

  “I suppose… I suppose every good story needs a villain.”

  “A villain?” Ruth nearly laughed before she covered her mouth so as not to wake Caroline. She faced Sam, though it made her tremble to be serious with him. “You were a boy,” she said. “I’ve met your pa and I know what he tried to do to Lucy. You – and Caroline, too – you did only what you had to do.”

  “I didn’t have to take that woman’s money. I didn’t have to run again.”

  “She wanted to help you. Sometimes accepting help is as much a gift as what is offered. You blessed her by letting her be kind.”

  Sam opened his mouth to argue but he already seemed defeated, more vulnerable than when he referred to himself as a villain.

  There was intimacy in the moment that made Ruth anxious. When he gave up trying to say something and simply looked into her eyes, Ruth swallowed hard against her nerves and said, “Tell me where you went after the woman helped you.”

  “Well…” Sam took a slow breath and glanced out the window. He seemed hesitant to return to storytelling. “Like I said, I meant to do as she asked and go home. I didn’t know who I was supposed to be hiding from though so I feared everyone. I didn’t know much about the stage either. I simply paid my way and climbed aboard without asking any questions. It wasn’t until we were outside of town that I realized I was headed farther south. This way.” He gestured out the window.

  “The first thing I saw in the next town was the train station. I couldn’t believe I’d made it to a railway town. I don’t know if it was a hint from God or simply a youthful sense of adventure… but something told me that the train was my answer, that if I could only get on a train I would find exactly what I was searching for. I used the rest of the money to buy a ticket as far west as I could go and it wasn’t that far. Only barely over the Texas border.”

  I got off the train and started asking everyone I met for work. I was determined not to be too proud for any offer so I wouldn’t need to resort to stealing again. Pretty soon I found someone who told me of a man named Jonas Hughes who was looking to hire at least one more cowhand. The man said he doubted Mr. Hughes would hire a kid but he gave me directions anyway. I set off walking and it was late by the time I got out there so I slept in the field and knocked on his door at first light. I told him I’d heard he was looking to hire some help.”

  The memory took over for a moment and Sam smiled to himself before he continued. “Jonas took me straight out to the barn and handed me a shovel. He said if I was serious about wanting to work then I could work while we talked. He asked me if I had any experience. I was clearly as green as they come and he still asked… gave me the chance to admit it rather than make the assumption and I respected him for that. By the time I had the stalls mucked out we’d come to a temporary arrangement. He said I could do chores in exchange for room and board for two weeks. If I proved myself useful during the two weeks, then we’d discuss a wage.”

  “And you ended up working for him for ten years?”

  Sam nodded. “It was a slightly undefinable relationship right from the beginning. I stayed in the main house rather than the bunkhouse because of my age. I was scrawny and I believe Jonas – and probably everyone else – thought I was lying about even being fourteen. That separated me from the other hands. Mary doted on me something awful. She was the housekeeper before Beth Ann. One minute Jonas would be telling her to stop treating my like a baby and the next he’d be taking another hand to task for not going easier on me. It took everyone a while to figure out where I fit in.

  “I was saving every penny, trying to be smarter with my next plan. I asked all kinds of questions, some likely downright impertinent, so I’d know exactly what I needed to get a place of my own. Jonas was always honest and… pretty soon it was plain he thought of me like family. I started to feel… it seemed I’d be betraying him if I left as badly as I had Caroline and Lucy.”

  “Did you tell him?” Ruth asked. “Did you tell him you hoped to provide for your sisters?”

  “Never directly.” Sam focused on Caroline for a moment, still sleeping across from them. “I mentioned my sisters sometimes. I let a few things slip about… stories from before. He must have pieced together why I left home in the first place. After he got sick, after he’d told me his plans to leave the ranch to me and Jack… he told me I could sell my half to Jack if I wanted so I could see about my sisters but he also insisted that wasn’t the best way. He made me promise I’d talk about it with Jack first.”

  “Jack must have agreed.”

  “He told me I couldn’t do anything based on a situation that had likely changed in ten years. And that wondering was worse than knowing. He was right about that. It felt good to see Lucy happy and Caroline… she’s had it rough but it hasn’t changed her. I hope she’ll be happy with me.”

  Ruth thought that Sam must have spoken to Jack about bringing one or both sisters back to the ranch and it suddenly occurred to her how much of a surprise she would be. How was he going to explain returning home with a wife? How did he explain it to himself for that matter? He had married her only to make Caroline happy. Was he hoping they could make a life together or was he hoping she would mostly stay out of his way? A slow panic began to take hold. Was it even possible to keep Sam from resenting her for being an unexpected addition to his family?

  “Something wrong?” he asked.

  Ruth had relaxed while they were talking, or while Sam was doing the talking, and now she was tense again and he could tell. She didn’t want to ask questions that might plant doubts he didn’t already have. And she couldn’t ask for reassurance because she didn’t want to know if he couldn’t offer it. Her brain whirled until it landed on a worry that felt safe to express. “How surprised will Jack be?” she asked.

  “To learn that I up and got married?”

  She nodded and tried to steady her nerves. Sam looked amused by the thought of his friend’s reaction and that helped.

  “He won’t say anything in front of you. He’ll be nothing but polite. But the man has around ten years on me and is still a determined bachelor. I reckon he’ll think I’ve taken leave of my senses.”

  “Do you?” The question slipped out before Ruth could stop it.

  Sam laughed quietly. “I’m not sure I should answer that.”

  “I’m not lazy. I’ll keep the house clean and keep Caroline’s load lighter than my own always. I’ll…”

  He put his hand up to stop her talking but didn’t say anything himself. The rhythm of the horse steps was suddenly louder as Ruth waited. Her pleading tone was hanging in the air between them and she wanted to pluck it and hide it and still Sam said nothing. Finally, he sighed and spoke in a low voice. “I only meant that I thought if one of us had made a foolish decision, that it wasn’t me.” He grinned. “But if you don’t know you could have done a lot better, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you.”

  Now the red on Ruth’s face was from a different source, but it was red all the same.

  Sam’s eyes squinted briefly in confu
sion before he dove into another subject. “I understand from Caroline that you lost your ma several years ago. Tell me about her.”

  Sam had made a comfortable suggestion. Ruth was distracted from her embarrassment as memories of her mother came to mind. “Ma was so pretty,” she said. “She liked to tuck flowers in her hair in the summer, even though she laughed at how frivolous it was. She was strict with me. Sometimes I was jealous of the kids at school who could stay and play because I always had to come straight home. I ended up being glad that she wasted no time in teaching me. We didn’t have to worry about practical things when she died. I was able to keep the house running just like she did and I think that helped ease the loss.”

  “I bet your pa appreciated that.”

  “I think so. I should say that just because she was strict doesn’t mean Ma was ever cruel. I loved how she left little surprises for me all the time.”

  “Like what?” Sam leaned towards her.

  “When I was little, she would always pick up a piece of penny candy for me when she came to town. But she wouldn’t give it to me right away. Sometime over the next few days it would show up near my schoolwork in the evenings or in my lunch pail. Once I told her how much I liked the lace on one of her dresses and later I found that she had removed it and stitched it to my Sunday dress.”

  “I just remembered something,” Sam said, his expression revealing that it was a happy memory. “When you mentioned your lunch pail. You were the girl who shared her lunch with me. Caroline always carried our lunch and she and Lucy were both sick and I didn’t think to bring it. You gave me half of your sandwich. Do you remember that?”

  Ruth nodded. Of course she remembered that. She’d tried to give Sam her whole lunch and when he insisted they split it, she had hoped that he would sit and eat with her. Instead, he stuffed his half in his mouth in about two bites and then ran off to climb a tree.