A Quiet Life Read online

  The dinner conversation began casually. Most of the talk centered on the recent weather and things that had changed in town since Sam left. As the dessert Caroline brought was being eaten, Mr. Modell cleared his throat. “I guess it’s time we got down to business,” he said. The friendliness he’d been showing seemed to dry up as he locked eyes with Sam. “You’re a Christian man, right?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “And is there a church near your ranch or do you worship at home?”

  “The church is about an hour’s drive. We make it whenever the roads are passable.”

  “Glad to hear that. So I’m right in thinking that if you made a promise in front of a preacher, you’d honor it?”

  “I would.” Sam nodded his affirmation as well, hoping to convey that any hesitation should be attributed to his curiosity about the line of questioning and not a lack of sincerity.

  “I believe you,” Mr. Modell said, “and that makes this very simple.” He pointed at Sam. “You want to take your sister home with you and she,” he moved his finger around the table as he explained the situation, “wants to take my daughter. I need to be sure that my Ruthy is properly looked after. That means I don’t intend for her to leave my house until she is married. Have I made your choice plain?”

  Sam let the meaning sink in. The man was saying he could either marry Ruth or leave her behind. Caroline had said she wouldn’t go without her friend. Perhaps she could still be talked into it given this new information. But she’d looked so happy at the prospect of bringing a companion and he owed her so much. How could he let her down again?

  “Well?” Mr. Modell’s voice broke into Sam’s thoughts. The man apparently expected a fast answer. Sam looked to Mrs. Modell, who was watching him hopefully. Caroline looked a bit uncertain, but also hopeful. Ruth was the only one with her head down, eyes glued to her empty plate. She appeared determined not to know what his reaction was.

  As far as Sam was concerned, the answer was simple. He’d come back to make amends with his family and felt that he had barely begun to do that. He was ready to do anything Caroline wanted. The problem was that the choice involved a third person, one who was carefully avoiding his gaze and with it his attempts to glean whether or not she was willing. “I would like to have a private conversation with Ruth before any plans are made,” Sam said to the table at large.

  Mr. Modell smiled. “That’s wise of you. You may take a walk but you best stay in sight of the house.”

  Sam stuffed the last bite of dessert into his mouth and nodded to Caroline that he appreciated it. Then he stood and Ruth did the same. She grabbed a bonnet and tied it under her chin before she met him at the door. No one said anything as they walked out.

  ~~ ~~

  Ruth fiddled with the lace on her collar, making sure it was smooth. She thought she might have knocked it out of place when she tied her bonnet. Her fingers felt stiff though and wouldn’t cooperate. Sam Haid had grown into a handsome man. His eyes hadn’t changed. They still made her feel slightly off balance when they landed on her.

  When they had walked far enough from the house for it to be awkward that neither had spoken, Ruth said, “You’ve gotten older.” And then she winced internally. Of course he had gotten older in the ten years he’d been gone. She hoped intelligent conversation was not on the list of attributes he was looking for in a wife. She wasn’t sure if he nodded or only tipped his head to consider the stupidity of her statement. “You don’t remember me at all, do you?”

  Sam shook his head but he said, “Maybe a little. I don’t… I don’t think we talked much.”

  “No. There’s not much to remember. I…” Ruth didn’t bother explaining that she was only trying to ease into a discussion that couldn’t be eased into. “Pa told me what his condition would be,” she said, “and I’ve had time to think on it. I’d be willing to… uh… if you decide to take me with you, for Caroline’s sake, I…”

  Ruth’s thoughts on the subject were proving more difficult to put into words than she anticipated. The men who had shown interest in her had simply shown interest in having a wife, not her specifically. If Sam was interested in having a wife, she figured she had as much chance of happiness with him as the others. But it would not be terribly flattering to tell him he was “as good as anyone else.”

  “I’m not leaving Caroline,” he said suddenly.

  He was entertaining the possibility of taking her. Ruth gritted her teeth to keep talking. “I’ll be plain,” she said, “I aim to be a wife and a mother. I don’t need a fairytale romance. I only want a little kindness and to feel useful. If you and Caroline want to take me, I promise to work hard. But I understand that you didn’t plan on… if you already… That is to say, I understand if there’s someone waiting on you.”

  Sam smiled as though she’d said something funny. “I didn’t have the best example growing up on how to treat a woman. Figured I shouldn’t try to inflict myself on one. I don’t suppose I know how to be married. If we’re gonna do this, I’m gonna need some instructions on doing it right.”

  He gestured between them at the word “this” and a hint of helplessness in his expression made that unsteady feeling worse than ever. Ruth imagined he was saying he’d be happy to fall in love with her if she’d only tell him how. It was proof she’d listened to one too many of Caroline’s romantic stories. “I don’t… know how to be married either. I reckon all newlyweds need to help each other. We’ll work out the particulars as needed.”

  “So you’d see this like a business arrangement? And that would be enough for you?” He appeared to be struggling with doubt. He was questioning her satisfaction but she knew he had to be thinking of his own as well.

  It was reasonable to be uncertain given that they’d essentially known each other for an hour. The clearest reason to be optimistic was how physically appealing she found him but that was a reason she couldn’t give out loud. Not if this was a practical arrangement. And what if he didn’t see anything special in her? Ruth tried to keep her thoughts practical. This discussion had nothing to do with the flipping in her stomach. “I believe that if we’re both willing to try to get on together,” she said, “we could make a marriage work.”

  “I, uh…” Sam stopped walking. He took off his hat and beat it against his leg. “We should be plain about…expectations or…” He kicked at a clump of dirt with his boot and then scanned the horizon. “You mentioned wanting to be a mother.” He quickly stuffed his hat back on his head and pulled it lower over his eyes than before. “You’re not asking for separate rooms?”

  Ruth shook her head slowly as her neck felt partially paralyzed by the embarrassed heat creeping up it. She assumed they’d be fully married. Was he asking for separate rooms? “Are you not wanting children?” she managed to croak out.

  He turned back to the house. They could see in the distance that Caroline was out front with the two little girls. She appeared to be demonstrating some dance steps. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to give me all boys?” Sam smiled as he said it, clearly joking but still answering her question. His light tone helped Ruth breathe a little easier. It sounded as though they had come to an understanding.

  “Caroline will be so happy,” Ruth said. “She’s been making all kinds of plans on how we’ll be doing the chores together, sitting over the washing side by side like the women in the bible.”

  “You love my sister, don’t you?” He asked the question as much with his soft blue eyes and something about the word love coming out of his mouth gave Ruth a pleasant jolt, even in this familial sense.

  “I do,” she said simply.

  He smiled. “We have common ground already.”

  “You’re right. But we can’t let Caroline—”

  “Can’t let her what?” Sam looked back at his sister, who was now sitting in a small circle with the girls. He appeared suddenly tense.

  “She… she’s so giving. She lost her last baby about two weeks after George died. Later s
he told me that it would have been difficult for the boy to grow up without his pa around. Even in her grief she was thinking of someone else. She won’t be happy if she thinks we’re making any kind of sacrifice on her behalf.” Ruth faced Sam, wanting him to understand, even though it might change his mind about taking her. “And she doesn’t feel that you owe her anything. She knows what it feels like to want independence.”

  Sam drew in a long breath, still watching his sister. “Nothing changes the fact that I abandoned her. I need to be sure she’s taken care of from now on.” He tipped his hat back to regard Ruth. “I understand what you’re saying though. It’ll make things worse if she starts thinking I’m marrying you only for her sake. You think I…?” A dragonfly zipped past and Sam appeared to willingly let it take him away from the thought he’d been about to express.

  Ruth shuddered internally at the idea of this man pretending to enjoy her company. She didn’t want him to put on a show. “Caroline gets some wild ideas but even she wouldn’t believe you came back from a short walk madly in love. She only needs to believe she wasn’t part of the discussion.”

  “I won’t deceive her,” he said. “I will keep her happy though.”

  Ruth wasn’t sure what that meant but it felt final. She took a few steps towards her house. She noticed that Sam hadn’t moved and she turned back to him.

  “Would you be ready to leave on the Monday morning stage?” he asked

  “That soon?” Monday was three days away. She was going to be married by Monday?

  “It’s a long journey and others are doing my share of the work while I’m away.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  “I’ll talk to your pa about… everything. Thank you.” His eyes squinted for a moment as though he was trying to decide if thanking her had been appropriate.

  Ruth gave a slight nod – appreciation always felt good – and he walked purposefully towards her house. She watched him stop and lean towards Caroline. He must have said something to her because she laughed and then looked at Ruth, who had been following at a distance. Sam tipped his hat at the children and then went inside.

  Ruth had a strange urge to laugh herself as she tried to picture the scene he’d walked into. She’d hoped that one day a handsome young man would ask her pa’s permission to marry her. This situation was a near opposite.

  Caroline had stood up and was dusting off her skirt. She smiled at Ruth as she got closer. “I hear you agreed to be my sister… and I’m thrilled!” She pulled Ruth into a hug. “I’m going to love Texas with you there.” Caroline didn’t repeat what Sam had told her and Ruth didn’t ask, but she was dying to know.

  ~~ ~~

  Jonas had spent nearly two years insisting that Sam needed to buy himself a suit. Just in case. They both knew they weren’t talking about clothes though. Jonas’s just in case had referred to the wedding he wanted Sam to pursue. It was his way of encouraging Sam to avoid a lonely life. Not buying a suit was Sam’s way of refusing to admit he wanted a family. He let the older man win the argument when he bought a suit for Jonas’s funeral.

  Now, without trying to court anyone, Sam was about to be married and that suit was many miles away. He pondered the unexpected turn of events as he rode towards the church with Caroline. She’d given to her neighbors what household goods they would accept and left everything else in the house for whoever eventually bought the land. She carried a bag barely larger than his own and it contained everything she felt she needed. Her practicality would serve his household well. He hoped to be able to say the same about her choice of bride.

  Perhaps Sam did have faith in his sister’s friend because it was the only reason he could think of to explain why he didn’t feel nervous. A man about to wed a near stranger should not be so calm. Even without the near stranger part, a wedding should feel more significant. Sam couldn’t feel anything beyond the peace of finally setting things right with his sisters. It was as though he was slowly exhaling a breath he’d been holding for ten years.

  The church was a small white building. It stood apart from the other shops and businesses in town and the closest one to it was the livery. This worked well for Sam because he didn’t want to walk the main street again on his way out of town. The questions about his whereabouts had felt like accusations and he could not put this chapter of his life behind himself fast enough. He returned the horse and walked with Caroline to the church. They had enjoyed a quiet ride into town.

  She stopped rather abruptly as Sam’s foot was about to touch the first step and he felt her hand on his arm. “You know I’ll come either way?”

  “We already settled this,” he said. “A wedding gives everyone what they want.”

  Caroline looked at the ground for a moment. “I know you don’t love Ruth though. Don’t make yourself unhappy for me.”

  “I will. She’ll be part of our family and eventually I’ll love her.”

  “You make it sound simple but…”

  “Love can be a choice, Caroline. You said yourself she’ll be a capable wife. I can see she’s nice to look at and she’s actually willing to have me. I’d be a fool to pass this up.”

  “How can you joke about—?”

  “I’m not being flippant, Caroline. I just don’t see the point in looking for negatives when a decision has been made. You know I’m not one to change my mind.” He flashed back to when he was a boy and Caroline was packing food for him even while she begged him to stay.

  “Tell me again that this doesn’t have anything to do with you thinking you owe me.”

  Sam had managed several times to put her mind at ease (for a moment) without uttering words that were an outright lie. He was rescued from trying to do it again by the appearance of the preacher. Rev. John came out the front door and descended the church steps quickly for a man carrying a fair amount of extra weight. Sam knew people that he would describe as men of few words. After spending a Sunday with Rev. John, Sam knew what had happened to all those missing words.

  “Mr. Haid, Caroline.” The preacher nodded at each of them as he greeted them. “The Lord has certainly provided a most beautiful day for a wedding. Though any day is made beautiful by such a joyous occasion.” He winked at Sam and then stared up at the sky as he jabbered on about weddings being the greatest blessing for a minister. “And you know what else,” he continued, “I get to live on in so many memories. You and your beloved will think of me every time you look back on the start of your life together, a life granted to you by the Mighty One. He has done great things for all of us and created this glorious sky with a blue so varied and limitless, like his love. And the love you’ll share, Mr. Haid, with your bride… who I think has arrived.”

  A wagon was approaching the church. Sam hoped that his delight at seeing Ruth was a sign of future happiness and not merely a sign that he had no clue how to respond to the effusive minister. Rev. John moved forward as the horses came to a stop, commenting to no one in particular what fine animals they were. He helped Ruth and her younger sisters from the back of the wagon while Mr. Modell offered a hand to his wife from the front seat.

  Ruth was wearing the same blue dress she’d had on when Sam met her. It must be her best one. Something about that pricked his conscience but he ignored the uneasy feeling. He focused on the wildflowers clutched in her hand so tightly that a few of the stems had broken. Rev. John was telling her that she made one of the loveliest brides he’d ever seen. Sam couldn’t hear Ruth’s answer but she looked at him when she said it and her face turned pink. She didn’t look at him again as she approached with her family.

  Mr. Modell, on the other hand, kept his eyes so fiercely on Sam that he might have been trying to see right through the younger man. “Promise me one more time,” he said. “Promise me my Ruthy will be properly cared for.”

  “Yes, sir.” Sam glanced at Ruth. She was hugging Caroline and he could see his sister’s smiling face over her shoulder. “I’ll protect them both.”

  “It’s tim
e for a wedding,” Rev. John exclaimed as he bounded up the steps between them and then held the church door open for the small crowd.

  Sam entered last and took his place at the front of the church. Rev. John wasted no time beginning the ceremony. Whether or not he wasted time once he’d started was a matter of opinion. He read a few passages from the bible about love and then expounded on the topic at length. The advice he offered was likely sound and Sam tried to listen to the words about keeping God in the marriage and treating each other with kindness even during disagreements. But all he could think about was the fact that they were on a schedule. There was nothing else he wanted to think about.

  It was Caroline who gently reminded the preacher that the three of them intended to catch the stage south. Then Rev. John led the couple through some vows and the wedding was over. He said, “You may kiss the bride.”

  Sam leaned forward automatically to touch his lips briefly to Ruth’s. She kissed him back, which surprised him, and their eyes met afterwards. In that moment, there were no other people in the church and there was no stage to catch. There was only a pretty woman he wanted to know better who was now his wife. Guilt and panic threatened to be felt but Sam pushed them aside to concentrate on the journey ahead.

  ~~ ~~

  Saying goodbye to her little sisters was even harder than saying goodbye to her father. Ruth knew she might never see them again and that they likely wouldn’t even remember her if she did. But they simply smiled and waved as though she’d be back later in the day.

  She climbed into the stage before they could see the tears forming. Caroline followed and Sam sat next to her. It was snug sitting three across. An older couple sat facing them, carefully not facing them or making any hint of eye contact. They were clearly trying to discourage conversation and did so well enough that not even a greeting was spoken as the five occupants began the drive. Ruth put her hand out the window as a final farewell to her family and to the only home she had ever known.