A Quiet Life Read online

  The preacher had arrived too soon, that was certain. Matthias had looked distraught at the sight of him. Did that mean the brothers were still wrestling over who should have the task of marrying her? Or had Matthias been chosen and now wasn’t sure he could do it?

  Grace had done her own wrestling since Justus suggested an offer might be forthcoming. There was only one brother she would consent to marry. She just wasn’t sure if she could do that if he only offered convenience.

  Apart from any matrimonial issues, the parson had arrived at a good time. He wasn’t averse to moving the rest of his body while his jaws were flapping. He spent the next few days in the fields and Grace saw very little of him or anyone else. The men came in for meals, ate quickly, and went to bed early. Rev. John joined the others in the barn and acted as though it was a treat to spend the time with some of God’s creatures.

  The extra pair of hands let the men finish early the last day. They rested around the table while Grace worked to make them some fried chicken and cornbread for dinner. Rev. John announced that he would leave in the morning. His words seemed to send a quiet ripple through the room behind her and Grace held her breath, though she could not explain why.

  “I expected someone to ask me to tend to some more pleasurable business,” Rev. John continued, “now that the grain is all stored away.”

  Grace looked over her shoulder just in time to see him wink at Matthias and then at Justus. The two brothers looked at each other and seemed to be having a silent conversation. Grace turned back to the pan and gave a few pieces of chicken unnecessary shoves with the wooden tool in her hand. The silence lingered too long before Justus said, “You haven’t asked her yet, have you? Knew you’d wait ‘til the last minute.”

  Grace poked the chicken again. She had half a mind to spin around and jab all three of the men instead. She didn’t like having to pretend she wasn’t in the room while they talked about her. She nearly tossed the whole pan of chicken at Justus’ next words.

  “I’ve been thinking I might spend the winter in town this year.”

  Was the man changing the subject altogether or suggesting he’d rather give up not only his bedroom but his entire farm to avoid marrying Grace? She didn’t know which was more insulting.

  She should never have asked to stay with them. She was going to have to ask Rev. John to arrange for her removal. He could return with his wife to escort her. But when? It would likely take weeks or months and with no money she’d have to rely on charity until she could find… what? She could cook and sew. Could she find someone willing to pay her to do one or the other? Could she find a man to marry her and could she consent when…

  Grace sensed that someone had gotten up and was standing next to her. It was Matthias. He said nothing while she busied herself moving the chicken to the table. She nearly shoved him out of the way to remove the cornbread from the warming oven. No one spoke while she finished and she refused to look at any of them. Finally, Rev. John cleared his throat and forced her to observe that all three men were watching her purposefully ignore them. She colored at her childish performance.

  “Grace?” Matthias said. It was barely above a whisper. She faced him and saw that same steady admiration she’d seen before. Maybe it was always there. She’d been naïve to think he showed something distinct in his gaze for her. He just couldn’t help being a handsome man. “I’d be honored if you’d consider letting Rev. John marry us before he leaves tomorrow.”

  She’d gotten herself all worked up and had every intention of refusing. She did not want a husband who asked out of obligation and propriety and a desire for nothing more than to reclaim his old bedroom, not when she felt an attraction to him that had started strong and grown rapidly. But she’d have to leave otherwise and it was that attraction that made her mouth say, “I will.”

  Rev. John said, “You mean you’ll consider it or you mean you’ll agree to marry him?”

  She nodded solemnly. “I’ll marry him.” She motioned Matthias back to the table to eat before she added, “I’ll not have anyone spending the winter in the barn on my account.”

  “Splendid!” Rev. John exclaimed. “I don’t get to do enough weddings in such a small town. Nothing could be more joyous. We’ll do it right after breakfast and I’ll be on my way after that.” He continued with a blessing over the food and many compliments on it as well. Then he talked about his favorite bible readings for weddings. Grace wondered if he believed he could make it a joyous event all by himself.

  ~~ ~~

  Her words echoed in Matthias’ head long after she said them, long after dinner was over, even after another hour of listening to Rev. John talking. He returned to the hayloft for the night still hearing Grace say, “I’ll not have anyone spending the winter in the barn on my account.”

  She thought he had proposed a marriage for appearance only. Perhaps that was his own fault. His words had been decidedly uninspired. But he was not a speechmaker and had never expected to find himself making an offer of marriage in front of an audience.

  Matthias thought about trying to get Grace alone in the morning to explain that he wanted a real wife. He’d likely be just as clumsy in a second attempt though. And would she go through with it if she knew? Would she try to leave instead?

  A man’s wedding day should dawn with more excitement than Matthias felt. He had decided that he should try to talk to Grace first but still had no idea what to say. He beat Justus into the house for a change and found Rev. John seated at the table. A bible lay open in front of him and he appeared to be making notes.

  “I’ll miss two Sundays at least on this trip so the folks in town will no doubt expect a little something extra when I return.” The man looked at Matthias as he spoke but then shot a wink at Grace, who had looked over her shoulder to see which brother had entered.

  “I’ll not disturb you,” Matthias said as he moved past the preacher to Grace’s side. She was stirring a pan of oatmeal. Her hair was twisted up with braids again.

  “Do you like it with molasses?” she asked him quietly. She was probably also trying not to disturb the sermon writing. Her soft tone felt intimate though and Matthias leaned closer to encourage more whispering. He nodded and inhaled deeply. Breakfast would be delicious as usual.

  “You’re a wonderful cook, Grace.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You planned to be someone’s wife, didn’t you?”

  She nodded. Her eyes were absorbed by the oatmeal.

  “Am I… anything like you had in mind?”

  When she faced him, it was with a question in her eyes that he didn’t understand and could not answer.

  Matthias leaned even closer and whispered, “Did you plan on children?”

  Grace gave a very brief nod before she went back to stirring the breakfast. There had been a momentary wince of pain on her face when he said the word children. Was that because of something she thought she was giving up? Was it because she expected him to return to his old room on their wedding night or because she feared he might not? The preacher had definitely arrived too soon.

  Justus came in for breakfast before Matthias could figure out what else to say. Grace asked Rev. John to clear his notes as she put out some bowls. She dished up the food with slightly trembling hands. The preacher laughed at the nerves of brides and assured her that she looked as lovely as any he’d seen. The man seemed to be in a hurry to be on his way because he had his horse saddled before Grace had the kitchen cleaned up.

  Matthias thought the wedding itself was quick, too. Not that he could remember ever having been to a wedding before. He didn’t know if he was being selfish to marry Grace only on the hope that she’d eventually return his feelings. She was the one who had asked to stay.

  Suddenly, or it seemed sudden to Matthias, Rev. John said, “You may kiss the bride.” And then he turned around. Was that normal? Justus turned, too, so no one but Grace would know if he kissed her or not. She looked as though she was expecting somet
hing and he couldn’t resist brushing his lips gently against hers. The light touch sparked a much deeper longing. He moved his mouth to her ear and whispered as quietly as he could, “I’ll never force you.”

  That was as close as he could come at the moment to telling her how he felt or what he expected from the new marriage.

  ~~ ~~

  Grace Baker waved goodbye to all three of the men almost immediately after her wedding. Rev. John had his things packed and jumped on his horse with a jovial promise to check on them in the spring. Though the grain was harvested, there was always work to be done on a farm. Matthias and Justus went to the fields and Grace returned to the kitchen.

  She filled a bucket and got down on her hands and knees. Scrubbing the wood floor was a good way to work on deep thoughts and she was consumed by them. The morning wedding had happened so fast. She didn’t understand what her new husband had been trying to say with his questions, but his words after the ceremony startled her the most.

  He seemed to want to tell her that he wasn’t the sort of man to insist she perform certain wifely duties when they didn’t have that kind of marriage. Somehow, the way he said it conveyed more of something he wanted than of something he wouldn’t take. Grace found the thought as thrilling as the sensation of his breath on her neck. They wouldn’t be stuck in a fruitless marriage if she could figure out how to let him know she wanted the same thing.

  A proper lady, however, could not invite a man into her bedroom. Not even if that man was her husband. It was up to him to ask. Grace knew he wouldn’t ask with words. She hoped she could find a way to answer when the time came.

  The men had taken sandwiches with them so they did not come back for food at midday. Grace cleaned as much as she could in between preparing a very fine dinner. No matter what happened at night, she would not give Matthias cause to regret his choice of wife during the day.

  Justus entered first and closed his eyes while he smelled the air. The older brother looked over the house appreciatively while he also filled his lungs.

  “We’re about to be mighty grateful to Mr. Mitchell, aren’t we?” Justus observed.

  Matthias answered with a slow nod.

  “Oh, you’re right,” Justus said. “It is peach cobbler.”

  Grace took a step to her left, thinking she might have to protect her dessert again.

  Justus laughed at her movement. “You distract her,” he said, “and I’ll get the plates.”

  Both men moved forward. Matthias’ eyes and his brother’s smile told Grace that her cobbler didn’t really have anything to fear but she said, “Now don’t you dare,” to play along.

  Matthias hooked an arm around her waist to pull her to the side. He looked intently at her mouth, which was slightly open in surprise. She was sure he planned to kiss her as a distraction. That would have worked. She’d have forgotten all about dinner. Instead he said to Justus, “We better not. If we make her mad, she’s likely to stop cooking up such good treats for us.” His arm stayed on her waist though.

  Justus looked over what else was cooking. “That would surely be a shame,” he said with a nod. “Let’s get to the blessing so’s we can eat.”

  Grace felt herself able to take breaths again as Matthias moved with a pronounced absence of haste from her side to the dinner table. The meal was very quiet. Grace thought perhaps they were all enjoying the void left by Rev. John. She was anxious about the uncertainty of the evening. The men could bring their things in from the barn now that she was married. But which bedroom would Matthias move into?

  The question was hanging over her while she washed the dishes. Justus brought an armload of things into his old room right after the meal and sat scraping a stick in his usual place. Matthias stood by the basin rinsing the dishes for her but not answering the question, not saying anything at all.

  When things were cleared, Justus announced that he would turn in. “You reckon the horses’ll miss us tonight?”

  Matthias said, “Best get my things, too,” before he left the house.

  “Goodnight, Grace,” Justus said. “Thanks again for the food.” He closed his door behind him and Grace stood completely still in the empty room.

  Still except for the trembling in her hands. She couldn’t be so obviously waiting for Matthias when he came back. The pressure of that scene would be too much for her. She went into her bedroom to begin preparing for bed. The door she left only partially closed, enough to block her view of the main room but not enough to look as though she was trying to keep someone out. She almost laughed to remember that it was barely a week since she’d tried to barricade that same door with chairs.

  She unpinned her hair at the dressing table and picked up the pretty brush. Her hand worked in slow strokes over her golden locks while she listened for the sound of her husband coming in for the night. She watched the shine of the lamplight reflected in her hair and spent more time brushing it than she normally did. Matthias seemed to be taking a lot longer to grab a few supplies than his brother had. She carefully twisted her hair into a long braid over her shoulder. Her fingers froze near the end of the braid when she heard the front door. Her eyes fixed on the reflection of her door in the mirror while footsteps fell quietly outside it.

  She thought she heard the sound of a chair moving on the floor and a few unidentifiable sounds, then another door closing brought silence to her ears. It seemed her question had been answered, at least for the first night.

  ~~ ~~

  The lake was beautiful. It was as peaceful as nearly every part of this life Grace had been thrust into. She hadn’t had a choice on her arrival but she believed it was almost exactly what she would have chosen. She’d been a farmer’s wife for about two weeks. Her days were busy, drying beans and canning vegetables, sewing and cooking for her new family. The evenings were quiet. Sometimes she was the recipient of some good-natured teasing, sometimes she dished it out. She’d taken to giving Justus a hard time about his wood shavings missing the scrap box. He’d stolen a large piece of crust off her last pie while she wasn’t looking.

  Matthias watched her in his calm way, always attentive if she dropped a needle, always ready to compliment her cooking, always saying with his eyes that he loved her. She’d doubted it those first few days because it was unfamiliar. Now the only part of her days that did not bring contentment was her apparent inability to show Matthias the same love.

  She did everything she could to make him happy. She sang as many hymns as he wanted as they enjoyed beautiful Sunday afternoons together. She kept the house neat and mended the tears in his clothing. And she always waited for him at night.

  Justus turned in first. That was the pattern. Justus closed his door for the night and Matthias would talk to Grace alone briefly. She waited until he said goodnight before she said it, too. Then they retired to their separate rooms. She thought she was giving him an opportunity to suggest a change. He only mentioned other things though. The previous night he’d made a request for fish, said he’d really liked it when she fried them with the cornmeal.

  That was why Grace was at the lake, to show him that he only had to ask. She had caught nearly enough but wanted one more before she returned to the house. Dark, heavy clouds had been moving in and she knew she’d end up getting wet on the way home. She didn’t care though. Even if the rain slowed her way, she’d have time to change her dress and get a meal in front of her family at the expected time.

  The first few drops began to fall as she pulled that last fish from the water. She added it to her pail and collected her things to walk home. Soon the rain came harder and faster. She removed her bonnet to feel the large drops on her face. It felt cool and refreshing.

  Grace set down everything she was carrying and held her arms out to the sides as she looked up towards the sky. As a child, someone had told her that rain was God’s tears. She didn’t see the sadness in a rush of clean water. It was glorious and she sang a quiet song to herself while she danced in the pouring rain. Then
she reminded herself that she was not a little girl. She was a grown woman with a family to feed.

  She picked up her tin pail of fish and her tools and began to walk again. But the rain was so thick she couldn’t see the farm. She walked very slowly, scanning for the now familiar buildings. Only a wall of water was visible. She regretted spinning herself in circles. Grace decided it’d be best to stand and wait rather than risk walking in the wrong direction. She wasn’t anxious for herself. The rain would stop eventually. But if it lasted too long, the men might get hungry or they might be concerned that she was taking so long.

  She was going to have to change anyway so she sat in the muddy grass while she waited. It felt as though it was raining from the ground as well as splashes jumped from nearby puddles. The rain was loud even when there was no thunder. She listened to the sound it made and it almost seemed to speak to her. And then she heard her name more clearly and a large dark shape appeared in the water. It was a man on a horse. She stood to make herself more visible. There were only two men who could be riding towards her and she would have been happy to see either. She was still glad it was Matthias.

  He jumped from his horse and said, “Are you hurt?”

  “No, I…” She couldn’t get any more words out before he put his arms around her in a tight hug. She felt his heart pounding against his chest. He’d been worried about her. He let go quickly and looked her up and down as though making sure she wasn’t lying about being unharmed.

  “I couldn’t see the farm,” Grace explained, “so I was waiting for the rain to let up to make sure I didn’t walk the wrong way.”

  Matthias nodded. “Come with me.”

  He mounted Goliath and pulled Grace in front of him. They went at a slow walk. She might have thought it awkward to ride double on a horse with a pail of fish in her lap except that she was so near her husband. He had his arms protectively around her waist and she rested her head on his chest. She felt a slight shiver and Matthias gently urged Goliath to walk a bit faster.